First off, in case it's not obviously implied: SPOILER ALERT! Also, LANGUAGE ALERT, because I'm an adult and I can use adult language if I damn well please, even if this is about kids. Don't worry, I promise to only use it sparingly for maximum impact.
So, I love Disney, but they seriously did us some wrong when we were kids. While we certainly learn lessons about life and love from our environment and family, we're also educated heavily by the media we consume, especially as children. Our generation grew up on stuff like "The Little Mermaid," wherein a woman basically sells her soul to the devil and abandons her family and responsibilities for a man she doesn't even know. This is not only a terrible lesson to teach children, it's batshit insane. We grew up with some bad and unrealistic expectations about life and love, setting us up for a hell of a lot more growing pains than necessary.
There seems to be this attitude that children must be coddled and protected from any negativity, heartbreak, or the complications of life. While this might preserve their sweet innocence in the short term, in the long run it just fucks kids right up. I'm an advocate for teaching kids the truth about the world (says someone with no kids), and apparently Disney is on my side for once.
"Frozen" is not only a kickass movie, but it actually has awesome and responsible messages about life and love for kids. I wholeheartedly think every kid needs to grow up with this movie, and I really hope Disney makes more like it! So here are the lessons I think are great:
Marrying Someone You Barely Know is a Stupid Idea
Every character raises hell when they find out Anna wants to marry a man she met that day. Clearly, Disney is poking fun at themselves for past films. But more than that, they're teaching kids that you really need to get to know someone before committing to them for life. Because:
Relationships Take Time to Build
Clicking with someone right away does not necessarily mean you're going to have a great relationship. The guy Anna is initially interested in winds up leaving her for dead. Now, this might be a stretch, but this is kind of a great metaphor for real relationships. You might be head over heels for someone initially, but after dating them for awhile, you might wind up hating their guts and wishing them dead. Or less dramatically, you might just realize your relationship doesn't work and you are ultimately not compatible.
Real relationships are built slowly over time. Not only does it take time to see if you're compatible with someone, but love itself is built over time. The more time you spend with someone, the more crap you go through together, the more joy you share, the more you help each other, etc...the deeper you care for each other. This applies to any relationship, not just romantic.
You Might Not Be Interested in the Right Person at First
Anna has her head so far up her ass in the beginning of the film she doesn't give Kristoff any thought, but he turns out to be the guy she ends up with. Now, while in the film it's because she thinks she loves someone else, I think the message applies beyond those circumstances. It's letting kids know that you don't always feel a Cupid's arrow right away. Sometimes, whether you're with someone else or single, you develop feelings for someone you initially had zero interest in. Anna and Kristoff had no attraction to each other initially (or at the least weren't aware of any attraction), but after spending time with one another, they realize that "hey, wow, surprisingly I kinda want to date them now."
It's not even stated that Anna and Kristoff are ultimately right for each other. They do not get married, engaged, or even kiss at the end of the film. While it's implied they are meant for each other, it's not a certainty. All we know is they care for each other and are going to give it a shot. For all we know, they decide it isn't right and move on. This is fantastic for parents. If their kids ask what happens to Anna and Kristoff, it leaves the door open for parents to offer their own opinion or explain as much as they want about dating.
You Might Not Actually Like the Person You THINK You Like
Right away, Anna thinks Hans is the bee's knees. They get along so well she thinks he is the one after just a day (and not even a full fucking day!). Well, they do not get married. We've all had experiences where we meet someone and think they are the greatest thing ever, and then after dating or pursuing them, we realize they're not as awesome as we thought they were.
Hell, Anna finds out that Hans was putting up a facade. Hans was just an image in her head the whole time and her feelings had no basis in reality. Sometimes, we think we like a person and build them up in our head, and then reality sets in and that image is shattered. They don't have to put up a facade like Hans; our minds can build up honest and good people far beyond reality. Sometimes, you just think you like someone.
Disney goes one brilliant step further and explains why this often happens: because you're looking so hard for it. Before she meets Hans, Anna sings a song about hoping she finds romance, dances and talks the night away and is swept off her feet. So when she meets a cute guy, she constructs him into what she's looking for. And what's more...
Sometimes The Person You Like Turns Out to Be a Douche
Not only does Anna find out Hans is not right for her and not as great as she thought, she finds out he's a total douchebag. He was tricking her the whole time. Watch and listen closely to their "love" duet and you can see Hans is playing off her lead. There is no "synchronicity," he's just feeding her what she wants to hear. This is so good for kids to learn early. At some point, we've all dated or chased after someone shitty. Usually, this is earlier in life like high school or college, but this can happen even in really real adulthood.
Anna thought Hans was the greatest thing since sliced bread...until he left her for dead while he went off to kill her sister and take over the kingdom. Sometimes the person you like turns out to actually be kinda terrible. Some guys lie and put up a front just so they can fuck you, and some guys do it to be king. And this is not just about men being douches; both sexes fall to prey to nasty predators (if only Disney had made that clear in the film).
Moreover, the best part about this is that the douche was Anna's very first romantic interest. What a great message for kids: watch out, the first person you really really like is probably going to be an asshat.
You Don't Have to be a Cookie-Cutter Princess
Anna, like Merida before her in "Brave," breaks the typical boring mold of a Disney princess. She's strong-willed, independent, smart, spunky, funny, courageous, and more; all while still being a girl. She was not a boring, cookie-cutter, subservient damsel in distress. This is extremely positive for young girls to see that they don't have to fit some idiotic mold to be accepted by society or to attract men.
It's Okay to be Single
While Anna spends the whole film learning love lessons, Elsa simply spends the film learning to accept herself. She does not hook up or even have a hint of romance for the entire film. This is fantastic for kids to see: it's okay to be single. You don't have to be with someone to be whole and happy. Hell, this is great for adults to see that are of the age at which society really makes you feel like shit and a loser for not being married yet.
Be Who You Are and Don't Be Ashamed
Elsa is made to feel she has to hide and keep secret a part of who she is, because if people find out, they won't accept her and she'll probably be burned as a witch. You know, your typical teenage problems. Once her secret is found out, she feels she has to run away and only begins to accept who she is when no one is around to judge her. Ouch. In the end, she learns that who she is and the powers she has are totally fine, and that hiding from the world only made her problems worse. Accepting who you are and being proud of it is the way to go! Plus:
Hiding From Love Hurts
Not only did Elsa hide from the world, she hid from love. She literally did not see her sister for years, and kept their behind-closed-doors interactions to a bare minimum. She was afraid to get emotionally involved with anyone, even her own sister, and all it did was make her miserable and lonely. It even made her powers worse; they were unstable. Running away from love accidentally made her freeze the kingdom (because she's frigid, get it!!!???) It wasn't until she allowed herself to be loved and to love others that she could control her powers and restore her kingdom. Love is an essential part of life, and running away from it does nothing but wreak havoc on all involved.
Romantic Love Isn't the Only Love That Matters
This was my favorite message of the movie. There's a great deal of time dedicated to Anna's romantic love, and she and us are made to think we're waiting for a true love's kiss to save the day. But what actually saves the day: an act of sacrifice made out of Anna's love for her sister. Holy cow, Disney just elevated sisterly love above romantic love. They're telling kids that romantic love is not the only love, and not the most important. Romantic love should not be put on a pedestal above the others. There are different types of love: familial, friendship, romantic. All love is important, equal, and essential to life. So kids, don't forget you have friends and family that love you, and don't forget about your love for them either!
