Couple Math

I've recently discovered a new kind of mathematics: couple math. What is that? Imagine this scenario: you're out to dinner with a group of friends celebrating a birthday. It's you, three couples, and the birthday boy (male gender used not because of patriarchy or gender discrimination or any other crap; simply because of alliteration!). Being the super awesome nice friends that you are, you all agree to pay for the birthday boy's meal. One of the couples does the math and calculates what everyone needs to chip in for the birthday boy's meal, after splitting four ways. You, the single person, immediately balk. What? What do you mean four ways? There's seven of us! This is an instance of couple math.

Couples that have been together for awhile, married ones in particular, seem to forget they are two individual financial contributors in a group situation. They've grown accustomed to being a financially united team. Teams count as one unit, so couples view themselves as one unit, and that's precisely what they are when it comes to their own private affairs. However, sometimes they forget that is limited to their private affairs and continue to view themselves as one contributing unit in public, which is understandable to a degree. 

But make no mistake. In public, couples become two contributing individuals. Their status as a private financial unit have no bearing and do not transfer to public or group cost sharing. For example, if the three couples and single person were buying seven Bryan Adams concert tickets (yeah, he's awesome and I like him, deal with it!), the couples would never dream of splitting the seven tickets four ways. They would all know they're responsible for their own ticket, even if paying together as a couple.  That same logic applies to the birthday dinner situation. Seven individuals are responsible for their own share of the gift. Being a couple means you can pay for two shares with one card, and that's it. It does not mean you magically owe one out of four shares when there are seven people. 

It should be noted that there are public situations in which couple math makes sense. If there are only three couples and no single people, then splitting three ways is a good shortcut, but it's still just a shortcut. In actuality, it's still splitting six ways. It's just more convenient to split three ways and let the couples do their own math and splitting however they want. The principle, however, remains the same: each individual in each couple is still responsible for their own share.

As I said, it is understandable for couples to lose that perspective in public or group situations. And to be fair, I'm sure most couples would quickly realize their mistake and apologize as soon as it's pointed out to them. So, it really should not be a big deal. But, when you're the single person in that situation, it kinda feels like a big deal. 

It's actually quite insulting on multiple levels. Obviously, it's upsetting strictly on the math level because you realize you're getting screwed and asked to pay more than your fair share. It's further upsetting that the individuals in each couple would all be paying half of what you're paying. It's hurtful that the couples are momentarily oblivious to your singlehood and aren't stopping to consider what is actually fair to all involved. It's absolutely infuriating that you feel that you're being financially punished for being single, especially when being single among married friends already feels like punishment. If anything, you should be getting a financial discount for being single to offset all the loneliness and misery!

Thus, though on paper it's not a big deal, couple math incites a lot of strong negative emotions in single people. There's already enough sensitivity going on when single, so adding financial punishment into the mix not only makes it worse, it brings out all those other sensitivities and makes the chorus even louder. It's basically opening up Pandora's box.

So, couples, don't open up Pandora's box. Please be alert and aware. Remember that in public or group situations, you're still two individual people who are each responsible for their own fair share. Leave the couple math behind with your private affairs, and bring regular boring old math out with your friends. As a single person, thank you in advance :)