Observations Watching "Saved by the Bell" as an Adult (Part 1)

Most of us grew up with Saved by the Bell and remember it fondly. Some of us were young enough that it gave us laughably inaccurate ideas of how high school would be. I think we all know it's flawed, has serious continuity issues,  and is cringe-inducing cheesy, but I still find it a beautiful gem. It will always hold a place in my heart.

Watching it again as an adult though, I've had some amusing, unsettling, and sometimes double-take observations about it (and yes, I know Cracked covered Zack's sociopathy and other amusing observations, so I won't retread their ground). In the interest of making this more digestible, I'm breaking it down into several parts over the next few weeks. Come join me on my ride. Here we go!

They Are All Douchebags

In the first season, they are all jerks. Rare is the episode that does not revolve around Zack enacting some selfish scheme that involves being a total dick to his friends. He deeply wounds them and doesn't realize what he's done until the friendship almost dissolves. Only when it's shoved in his face is he capable of thinking about others.

Screech is a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen. He doesn't understand that "no means no" and exhibits a scary lack of respect for Lisa, continuing to harass her despite her repeated rejection. Lisa, in turn, is completely wretched to Screech. Though understandable given the sexual harassment, she exhibits no empathy for him and treats him like dirt at every opportunity.  She crosses the line big time; it's a miracle he doesn't commit suicide.

Zack and Slater fight over Kelly all the time as if she were a prize to win and not a real person. They are date rape cases waiting to happen. Although they acknowledge that Kelly would have to choose one of them to have her, they don't even consider the possibility she would reject both of them.  They don't really think Kelly has a choice to make so much as recognize who the true alpha male top dog is and give him what's due. Even worse, Slater repeatedly expresses his belief that women are substandard humans. Even if he's joking, it's not very funny and every joke contains an ounce of truth...

Kelly doesn't really do anything harmful to anyone, but is a hollow shell of a human that doesn't possess agency. She smiles and laughs as the two fight over her like a trophy. Most of the time she finds it cute. Not once does she stand up for herself in the face of such horrific misogyny, nor realize it for what it is.

Jesse is really the only decent human being in the first season, when she's not busy shoving her political and ideological propaganda down everyone's throats, telling men that they are all pigs, or being cruel to short guys.

Thankfully, the showrunners and writers pulled their heads out of their asses and made them all much less douchey going forward.

Max Can See The Future

Max, the lovable magician-owner-waiter of the gang's burger hangout, The Max, somehow always has the right trick for the gang to address their problems. Sometimes, he can be given the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he was just carrying that chicken all shift long waiting for an opportune moment to bust that magic trick out. But other times, he's eerily timely.

In one episode, the gang forgets about Screech's birthday (I would cite this as further evidence of their douchbaggery, but considering they didn't have Facebook or smartphones to inform them of his birthday, it's understandable). They call Max over and ask him to bake Screech a belated cake, and he immediately busts out a ready-made customized cake for Screech. The only explanation for this and other instances is that Max can see the future. He is prescient. He is Paul mother fuckin' Maud'Dib Atreides!

Sadly, badass Maux'Dib suddenly disappears after the second season. But more on that later... (cue eerie music).