Observations Watching "Saved by the Bell" as an Adult (Part 3)

Back to "Saved by the Bell" after a week off. Today I explore the unbelievable love life of Zack Morris.

Zack is a Sex God

Watching as a kid, I knew Zack Morris was cool. Nearly every male wanted to be him when we grew up. Part of that was in admiration of his incredible prowess with the ladies. Zack basically got to have any girl he wanted. At graduation, he even makes a joke about it, estimating that he had eighty-something girlfriends in four years. Watching this as an adult, however, has been a little horrifying. Zack isn't just a cool dude who gets a lot of girls; he is an outright sex god.

Zack doesn't just have a high success rate with his pursuits of the opposite sex; women and girls fawn over him if he gives them so much as a smile. Any attention he shows any girl is met with subservient worship. Girls seem awestruck by the mighty presence of the sex god before them. The scary thing is that this isn't limited to girls as grown women fawn over him too. When Zack is in the hospital, the nurses all have hard-ons for him. The rich adult female customers of Malibu Sands are delighted by Zack's advances. A UCLA student falls for him (albeit believing he is also an undergraduate). Only one adult woman does not succumb to Zack's powers: the new nurse who messes with his head when it's revealed that Zack has been giving his girlfriend the cold shoulder for her. If he had been unburdened by a girlfriend and morally free to pursue her, who knows, she too might have fallen for him.

It isn't just momentary flirtations; twice Zack forges serious romantic relationships with adult women who profess their love for him. The first is when Zack is about to be a senior in high school: Stacey Carosi, the jerk boss's college daughter and assistant manager of Malibu Sands. This one isn't too bad. It's never stated how old she is, so she could have just finished up her freshmen year for all we know. Still, at best she's 19 and Zack is 17, which is kinda hinky at that age. 17 year old boys are idiots, and 19 year old women know it. The second adult relationship, also presumably when Zack is 17 and about to be a senior: Andrea, the single mother from the Hawaiian Style special. She has a 4 year old that she had late in high school, so she's about 4 years older than Zack...and with a kid. Heck, she even already has a boyfriend, yet she falls in love with a 17 year old boy who is only there on vacation. Such is the incredible power of Zack the Sex God. Also, both these relationships are statutory rape territory. Yikes.

To be fair, Zack does have troubles with the opposite sex. Kelly dumps him for an older man, both the adult women break it off when it's about to become long distance, Screech's cousin lays into Zack for using her to get back at Kelly, he strikes out with Jessie's soon-to-be stepmother, the new girl rejects both him and Slater after fighting over her, and the handicapped girl rejects him when he doesn't know how to deal with her disability. Zack does suffer consequences with the ladies when he's a douche, but even with what surely has to be a horrid reputation, they continue to fawn over him.

Hell, the show still falters with giving Zack his due comeuppance. Late in their senior year, Zack and Kelly finally get back together. However, it's not after some grand, wonderful, respectful romantic gesture by Zack; it's after he is a double douche once again. Kelly was first asked out by another hunk, and Zack manipulates him into bailing on her. Kelly is understandably furious with Zack, but when Zack finally gets her to listen and says that he did it because he still loves her and wants her back, Kelly forgets all about how horrible this was and gets back together with him saying it feels right. Facepalm. Way to teach boys a lesson (and teach girls to stand up for themselves), Kelly.

While he does not have a perfect record, Zack is so successful and worshiped by the opposite sex, he might as well be a sex god. I am horrified by the implications of this as an influence on young boys. Be the cool guy and girls will not only flock to you, but kiss the ground you walk on. This is an irresponsible and terrible message to send. I'm thankful the show had Zack get in trouble with girls to try and teach boys to respect them because they are people with their own thoughts and feelings and not just objects of desire. Still, the show sends a clear message: be cool and you can be a sex god. And having been a young boy myself, I can tell you they most likely forget about the "be cool" stipulation and go straight to believing they can be sex gods.

Even if boys pay attention to the respecting females part, they are still going to be consciously or unconsciously hoping their life plays out like Zack's. They are still going to hope and maybe believe that they should be able to attract any girl they want. Even if they fully intend to respect those girls once they "have" them, that expectation is dangerous. It not only sets them up to be blindsided by rejection and ignorant of how to cope, it probably counteracts the idea of respecting females if they are a expected goal to obtained regardless of their own agency.

I won't be dramatic the way other modern news/humor sites are about such topics and claim that "Saved by the Bell" ruined a whole generation of young boys. Who knows how much bad influence the show played in our lives; there were certainly many other influences in our development. But I can say this: the show sure as shit did not help. When it comes to dating and relationships, it did not influence boys in a positive way. Shame on you SBTB!