Observations Watching "Saved by the Bell" as an Adult (Part 6)

This is it. That last of my SBTB observations. It's been fun, and if you're still reading, thanks! And don't worry, my list of worst and best SBTB moments will be coming soon to close this journey out.

The Wedding in Vegas is Just Weird

It's off. It's weird. It doesn't feel right. The actors are clearly older now, they all have new stupid haircuts, it's lit like a tv movie instead of a flat sit-com, we see the exterior of Bayside for the first time, Zack's house is completely different, Gilbert Gottfried is there, the actors seem to have checked out...it just feels...weird. Sure, there's the typical SBTB shenanigans: Zack scheming, Screech being an idiot, Lisa being shallow, Belding being Belding, Kelly is a boring blank, Slater meets a new mate, and there's a ridiculous plot entanglement (oh gosh the mob!). On paper, it should be Saved by the Bell; in reality, it feels like a creepy robot trying to imitate SBTB but subtly malfunctions.

The strangest part is the Jessie Spano cameo. It's well-known now that she was absent from most of the movie because Elizabeth Berkley was in Vegas filming "Showgirls" instead. So when she comes in, just knowing Berkley was taking a break from "Showgirls" to be there is weird enough. What makes it weirder is that Jessie looks straight out of showgirls with the golden tan and whore hair. It looks like makeup and wardrobe didn't bother Jessie-izing her. It almost makes you feel like "holy shit, Jessie is a fucking stripper now!" And then her tears make it even worse. Jessie tears up at the reception, supposedly from joy. But that's not what I saw in Elizabeth Berkely's eyes: I saw a depressed actor crying in shame, realizing she's made a huge mistake (cue Gob meme), wishing she had not done "Showgirls" and had just done SBTB instead. Call me crazy but I swear to the gods that's what I saw. I may be wrong about why she was crying, but I'm not wrong that Elizabeth was crying and not Jessie.

MISC

Lisa has a crazy-ass unibrow the first few seasons. How the fuck did they let that happen? How did that get on air? Were they conscious of it? Perhaps they were trying to reach out to unibrow kids and let them know it's okay? Well fuck that. As a former unibrower myself: kids, pluck that shit!

Zack and Screech totally became gigolos. Uhhhh...wasn't this meant for kids?

For the Valentine's Day episode, they do a clip show where the characters "remember" prior romantic moments. So to celebrate the day of love, they basically phoned it in and put in minimal effort, not unlike many bad relationships.

The gang is unbelievably good at many things that take a lot of talent: music videos, dancing, rock band, a capella, entrepreneurship, DJing, photography, drinking and driving...the list goes on and on and on. No way in hell could we ever achieve as much as they do. SBTB might singlehandedly be responsible for the insane and unmeetable expectations, hopes, and dreams of our generation. Thanks a lot, guys.

They exist in a weird universe where alcohol and drugs exist, but not sex. Though, everyone still has horny urges; I guess they get off just by making out. But where do babies come from? Stork order?

The Most Horrifying Realization of All

The show is called "Saved by the Bell," but not once is any character ever saved by the bell. The whole show was a sham!