Normally, I find older generations declaring the younger stupid to be absurd. They only think that because they don't understand the culture of the new generation, because it's different than what their youth culture was. When they were kids, the older generation thought their culture was stupid too. "Pogs? What in the Sam Hill are these stupid pogs these kids are fighting over?" Wait, bad example; pogs really were stupid.
Let's go with "Mortal Kombat." We knew MK was the shizzle, but many parents/grandparents thought it was some fucked up shit that was going to rot our brains and turn us into mindless, violent, dumber-than-cavemen thugs. Which, of course, it didn't. Most of us turned out just fine, and those that didn't certainly aren't screwed up because of videogames. Heck, time and time again, studies show that videogames actually improve cognitive skills. Nary a week seemingly goes by without a new study espousing the educational virtues of videogames. All the party poopers were clearly wrong and delusional, but I don't blame them.
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| Okay, so this "babality" crap was pretty stupid. They were partially right. |
The older we get, the more we resist change in the world, especially since technology is progressing so damn fast. It's hard to keep up when we're constantly being forced to adapt. Trying to understand what the young generations are into seems like a waste of time and effort when our poor brains are already extremely fatigued. Because we don't understand the things kids are into it, we think they're stupid. It's total hogwash. The kids aren't inherently less intelligent; they're just into different things (though we might be making them dumber with an abysmal education system, social media, reality tv, and much more...but that's another story for another day). We don't need to understand it. We just need to respect and accept it.
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| The proper name for this. Also stupid. But at least it isn't wrong. |
Well, at least I used to think so. But something has me ready to jump on board the silly "kids are stupid" bandwagon: "hoverboards." It's in quotations because what the kids are calling hoverboards are clearly NOT hoverboards; they have wheels for fuck's sake. It's just a hands-free skateboard-esque Segway. I understand why they want to falsely label them. Segways are for the elderly, infirm, or lazy, and "hands free Segway" is a mouthful that really does sound stupid. Hoverboard just sounds cool. "Back To The Future" brought the term into pop culture lexicon, so anything associated with it automatically seems hip, cool, radical, bitchin', bae, Netflix and chill, or whatever the kids are saying these days.
So, I get it. But fuck you dumbass fucking stupid shitheads. It has wheels, therefore it does not hover. It maintains constant contact and friction with the ground. By that logic, my car is a hovercar, my beautiful but diva-as-fuck cat is a hovercat, and my coffee table is a hovertable. But I'm not calling them hoverthings because I'm not a fucking moron. I have defended you, youths, but if you insist on calling it a hoverboard, then to hell with it. I'm lining up with the adults that are too lazy to try and understand you. You kids are stupid. You don't even know who Marty McFly is! You don't know what real Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are! You don't even know that Pluto was once a certified planet! Now get off my fucking lawn!
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| Still good looking when I'm an old man, so long as I only selectively age my eyebrows with Photoshop! |
Well... if I had a lawn. The older generation ruined the economy and with massive student debt tied to insanely high interest rates, I have no hope of owning property anytime soon. Damn...the older generation is stupid too. Everyone is stupid but my generation! We are the chosen ones and the only hope for humanity! It is up to us to restore the TMNT to glory, force Neil deGrasse Tyson to respect Pluto, and make actual Marty McFly approved hoverboards a reality!
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