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| The many hiking faces of Kevin. Deal with it. |
This knowledge I've learned the honest hard way: making a lot of stupid mistakes and slowly improving. Once I was a dumb naive city slicker, but now I am a wise hardened bear-man! And heck, I'm still learning and getting better, for 'tis a never-ending quest.
Before I get to the tips, however, I need to introduce the overarching concept that will be referenced throughout. SCH: Shit Could Happen. It's pretty straightforward. You're in nature. Nature is unpredictable. Unforeseen shit could happen. You gotta be prepared for it. End of story. Okay, let's go!
1) Always Overpack
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| This dehydrated woman is violating way more than just Tip #1... |
Always overpack food and especially water. It doesn't matter whether you're a newbie or experienced; always overpack. Always. If you're a newbie, you absolutely will underestimate not only how long hikes will take, but how much nutrition you need for all the calories you're burning and how much water you need to stay hydrated. Even if you're hiking to lose weight, you still need proper sustenance. And don't just load up on carbs because you need energy; your body needs protein and fat too.
Even if you're experienced, you might underestimate how long a new hike will take. And even if you're doing a familiar hike, SCH. Shit could happen. You might get injured or delayed. You might meet someone who didn't bring enough food or water and need to help them out. You might spontaneously decide to alter course or stay out longer.
Point is, you never truly know how much food and water you will need because shit could happen. So always overpack and be ready for anything.
2) Get A Backpack With Water Reservoir
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| I love my Camelback and it's all mine, so back off! |
Stop carrying around bottles of water like a fool. Get yourself a proper hiking backpack that has at least a three-liter water reservoir with drinking hose. Doesn't have to be a Camelbak, but they are da bomb yo! Not only does it make your water super convenient and hands-free, it keeps it insulated so that it stays cooler in summer and doesn't freeze too much in winter.
3) Wear Pants
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| What a gigolo, showing off a little bit of leg! |
Unless you're doing a leisurely, flat, wide-pathed, super easy short hike in the peak of summer, ditch the shorts and get yourself a pair of hiking pants. There's a reason all the experienced hikers you'll ever see are wearing them, and it's simply SCH. You might have to wade through thick brush. There might be poisonous plants. There might be lots of bugs, insects, snakes, or other critters. You might slip or fall. Proper pants won't make you feel too warm, even in summer, and lots of them have zip-off bottoms/openings if you need some air. So protect yourself because there's no reason not to.
4) Wear Proper Hiking Shoes
Again, unless you're doing leisurely, flat, wide-pathed, super easy short hikes, ditch the tennis shoes, Converse, sandals or whatever other asinine footwear and get yourself a pair of hiking shoes. This isn't even SCH, this is SWH: shit WILL happen if you don't. You will slip and look like an idiot when doing any hike that requires ascending or descending elevation, not to mention any sort of climbing or jumping, no matter how tame. You need proper traction, so don't be a dumb naive city slicker. And while you're at it, get a thick pair of hiking socks. You'll thank me when it rains.
5) Always Have The Basics
You don't just need food and water. You need to keep a whole host of SCH material: first aid kit, paper towels, cleaning wipes or hand sanitizer, sunscreen and bug spray, map, compass, flashlight, utility knife, poncho, and personal/insurance IDs. SCH, man. Always be prepared and, aside from your IDs, don't rely on remembering to pack it all every time. Have permanent supplies in your backpack and leave them there. Hopefully, you won't have to use most of it, but you never know.
6) Always Pack Thermals
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| Sorry I don't have any sexy pics of me modeling thermals, ladies. |
Buy a pair of light or midweight thermal base layers: bottom, top, underwear, and gloves. They're not only the best insulation possible for your first or only layer, they're super light and breathable. Always wear the thermal underwear; both you and your significant other will thank me. Depending on the weather, you may or may not need the other layers but always, and I mean always, pack them. Even in summer. They compact well so they don't take up much space.
Weather conditions can vary throughout the day, especially if there are drastic elevation changes. Trust me, you do not want to be dressed for the 60-70s and get sucker punched by the 30s at the top of the mountain. TRUST ME.
Weather conditions can vary throughout the day, especially if there are drastic elevation changes. Trust me, you do not want to be dressed for the 60-70s and get sucker punched by the 30s at the top of the mountain. TRUST ME.
While you should also always check the weather conditions beforehand, you should still be prepared for surprises. And even if it's going to be a nice warm day, what if you get stranded and stuck out there overnight? SCH. Be prepared. Pack those thermals. And if it's winter, pack two thermal tops AND a good coat. TRUST ME.
7) Respect Nature
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| Yeah, whatever. I'll go wherever I wan...aaaaaaaagggh. Heeeelp! |
I don't mean the respect of not trashing or destroying it, I mean the respect of nature as a wild, unpredictable, and powerful force that can fuck your shit up at any time without warning. Take your time to gradually do more challenging or rugged hikes; don't go from one-hour park strolls to all-day high elevation hikes all of a sudden.
You have to learn, explore, and work your way up. It takes more than just packing right. You have to learn how to actually hike safely, effectively, and efficiently. You have to learn the limits of your body and current fitness. You have to learn how nature really works, how it affects you, its dangers and how to deal with them. None of this will happen overnight and you can read all about it until your eyes glaze over, but only with actual personal experience will you truly learn and become adept.
Always remember and never forget: SCH. Shit. Could. Happen. So be careful, don't be dumb, and take your time becoming a kickass hiker. It's worth it; hiking nature is one of the most beautiful, serene, and meditative experiences you can have. Enjoy!
(For the record, I totally pushed myself on this last one just to have seven tips, because seven is the strongest magical number. #7HorcruxClub)
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