Whisky Wisdom Wednesday

Last week, I was rather fortunate to experience a bloody brilliant two-day Scotch tour of Speyside in Scotland as the bachelor party for a dear friend (thanks Fawaz!). Our Scotch expert and official "Keeper of the Quaich" guide, Ronnie, was a delightful expat Israeli turned kilt-wearing Scotsman who educated us and destroyed our livers with 32 different whiskies in just two days. 

Before this trip, though still a noob with many distilleries left to cross off my whisky bucket list, I already knew a decent amount about whisky, having devoured The Ultimate Book of Whiskey over the winter holiday after being gifted it for Christmas (thanks AGP!). But, I was by no means an expert. After two days with Ronnie cramming as much information about the history, science, and art of whisky into our brains as possible, I'm still not an expert, but I know enough now to act snobbish!

I learned many new things and was reminded of things I had previously learned but forgotten. I've compiled the most memorable nuggets of knowledge and wisdom to share. Most of the science has already gone in one ear and out the other, so this is mostly the practical stuff—that's good to know for buying and consuming—and interesting anecdotes/factoids that have stuck with me:

Distillin' like a villain!

• Distilling is science. Blending is art.
  
  
• There is no best brand, style or age. Everyone has different palates and preferences. You might like light and smooth whiskies or smokey and peaty whiskies. You might like single malts or blends. You might like younger or older whiskies. It doesn't matter; if it tastes good to you, it's good whisky. Don't let anyone ever tell you what you like isn't good.
  
  

  

  They're keepin' it old school up in Speyside.

• America and Ireland use the spelling "whiskey" with plural "whiskeys." Scotland, Canada, Japan and pretty much the rest of the world use "whisky" with plural "whiskies." (Since I was on a Scotch whisky tour, I'm going with the Scottish spelling for this post.)
  
  
• It can only be labeled "Scotch Whisky" if it's distilled and bottled in Scotland and follows a set of regulations, most notably being aged in oak barrels for at least three years and no added substances (other than caramel coloring).
  
  
  

• The proper way to nose the whisky is to smell through your nose with your mouth open.
  
  
• The proper glass for tasting, nosing, and just plain appreciating good whisky—endorsed by the Scotch Whisky Association and seen above—is a Glencairn glass. But, if you must have your whisky soiled with ice cubes, a tumbler is okay. You're depriving yourself of getting the most out of it, however. (Told you I get to be a snob now!)
  
  
  

• Unless it's labeled as Cask Strength, all whisky has been "cut," aka watered down, to lower the alcohol level, usually from 60(ish)% to 40(ish)%. So, when drinking cask strength, don't forget it has much higher alcohol content than usual!
  
  
• Single Malt doesn't mean it comes from a single cask. Multiple casks are used to achieve the desired taste and consistency. It just means it's malt whisky from only one distillery. Whiskies that do come from one cask are labeled Single Cask.
  
  
• Blended Whisky means it's a blend of malt and other grains. Blended Malt means it's a blend of only malts and is far less common.
  
  
• Age statements indicate the age of the youngest whisky in the blend. There are most certainly older whiskies in the mix.
  
  

  

  Somewhere in here the Ark of the Whiskyent is hidden...

• Historically, a dram was a small teaspoon. So, when you ask a bartender for a dram of whisky, you're not actually asking for a dram. You'd be right sodded off if that's all they gave you!
  
  
• After it's been distilled but before it's aged, it's completely colorless and tastes pretty similar to vodka. It's not whisky yet, because it can't even be called that until it's aged in barrels for at least three years. It's called New Make Spirit. It gains its color and flavor from the wood of the barrels, and that is what makes whisky, whisky.
  
  

  

  Whisky goggles.

• Color doesn't matter. It only indicates what kind of barrels were used to age it and how long it has aged. It indicates character, not quality. In general, if it's lighter in color, it was aged in American white oak. If it's darker in color, it was aged in European oak.
  
  
• Aging in American oak ex-bourbon barrels is the most popular choice because, by US law, bourbon barrels can only be used once, so distilleries can acquire that sweet American white oak for much, much cheaper than European Oak. Recently, aging in a variety of ex-alcohol barrels to get unique flavors has become more and more popular as distilleries strive to brand and distinguish themselves from the competition.
  
  
• Age statements, even for single malts, are slowly going out of favor in Scotland and Europe as the color ranking system takes over (like Johnnie Walker's Red, Black, Gold, Green, and Blue), thanks to a shortage of older whiskies in a world where whisky is increasingly in demand. Apparently, only us Americans are still obsessed with age statements.
  
  

  

  Fermenting that sweet mash.

• Any distillery making claims about how their exclusive water supply gives it its distinctive flavor is blowing smoke up your ass. No delicate flavor profiles of its water source make it through the distilling process. It's all marketing bullcrap.
  
  
• Coopers, the makers and fixers of barrels, have to apprentice for four years and are paid per barrel. If you ever have the chance to see them at work, do so. It's fascinating; they are highly skilled and amazingly fast.
  
  

  

  The cooper on the far left is the fastest at the cooperage because he doesn't talk to anyone while on shift. Ever.