Holiday Infatuation Exacerbation Effect

Ignore the fact that the title of this post sounds like the title of a The Big Bang Theory episode. Not that there's anything wrong with that; I happen to like TBBT and if you're judging me for that, perhaps you should stop spending so much time judging others and more time judging yourself! Oops, that got way off topic. Back to business:

I have observed that when the winter holidays come around, single or newly dating people's romantic emotions tend to get a little out of whack. A crush that would normally be minor and unobtrusive can inflate to straight up bees-knees-crazy-banana-pants. A relationship in the early stages of dating can quickly turn from a slow, sane, naturally moving ferris wheel into a let's-now-fall-in-love-too-soon roller-coaster. Romantic feelings suddenly get heightened, and those that don't have their life partner yet consciously or unconsciously start frantically trying to lock it down. The culprit to blame is the holiday season. After careful and completely unscientific observation, I have dubbed this condition the Holiday Infatuation Exacerbation Effect (hereafter referred to as HIEE). So hi!

Normally, the media is one of the biggest crooks in brainwashing us with horrible ideas about love (tease: this will be the subject of a future blog post!), but surprisingly I think they're just a bit player in this drama. Although there are Christmas films that center around romantic love (see Love Actually, the greatest romantic comedy ever made and that will ever exist), there are plenty of Christmas staples that don't: Home Alone, A Christmas Story, Miracle on 34th Street, Christmas Vacation, The Santa Clause, etc. Sure, every single stupid yet charming ABC Family Christmas special revolves around a character denying and then realizing their true love, but that's every ABC Family special anyway and they aren't exactly holding sway over the social consciousness at large. Entertainment and media communicate a little bit that romantic love is supposed to be a part of the holidays, but not enough to explain the phenomenon.

The head honcho of HIEE is just the nature of the holidays; romantic love is built into the culture of winter holidays. While the primary message is that it's a time to spend with family, what is the cornerstone of family? Parents: romantic life partners. When you're a kid, you can just spend time with your parents, siblings, grandparents, and extended family without a second thought. But sometime after puberty and into adulthood, you can't help but consciously or subconsciously think about making your own family. Whether you want kids or not, at the very least you will desire a romantic life partner (and anyone who claims they don't at all desire that is either a liar-liar-pants-on-fire or in serious denial and in dire need of self awareness). The older you get, the bigger this inclination or desire becomes. You just can't help it; the clock is ticking and time is slowly running out. The more you see your family, friends, and colleagues find love and make their own families, the more you feel that you should have it and need to have it. You can talk to yourself with logic and reason all you want, but the heart just wants some love, man! There is no escape from HIEE.

So what to do? Well, that's the part I'm still working on. Now that we have defined HIEE, we can work on ways to counteract it. I've a got a few ideas we can all try out: If you feel the effects on yourself, you gotta do something to yank yourself down from the clouds and back to earth. When in the heat of the moment, give yourself a little slap to the face. If anyone wonders what the heck you're doing, just say you were swatting a fly. If they ask how there could possibly be a fly inside in winter, slap them and just walk away. Or keep a spray bottle around and sprits yourself like you're a misbehaving cat. But unlike a cat, learn from the experience and don't just give everyone death stares while you continue passive aggressive behavior. Or you just ignore reason and sanity and go for it; let the dice roll and see what craps happens.

Whatever you do around the holiday season, just be aware of the Holiday Infatuation Exacerbation Effect. Whatever actions you take in your own romantic life, just be prepared to live with the consequences. If you observe a loved one suffering from HIEE, let them do their thing...unless they're about to do something massively stupid and pathetic. Then maybe stop them...eh...on second thought, they'll just be pissed at you and bitter about it. Let them be stupid and learn from their mistake...if they ever learn. Eh, whatever. Let's all just eat, drink, and be merry and let the romantic stupidities fly!