It's no secret that I love the Harry Potter series. No amount of criticism or pointing out of plot holes, no matter how valid, could ever make me stop loving it. But, as great a story as it is and as great a writer as J.K. Rowling is, I still have fun poking holes in it.
I just finished Goblet of Fire in my latest re-read and this time, I noticed two tiny, minor, totally insignificant plot issues that nonetheless drove me majorly, utterly, completely, "I can't handle these cursed blast-ended skrewts anymore" bonkers. I'm calling them plot issues and not plot holes because they don't quite fit the traditional definition, and are so minor they don't derail the story.
That's not to say there aren't actual, major plot holes in the book or series. Let's face it, Barty Crouch Jr. becoming a master Oscar/Tony-worthy character actor with no formal training and able to fool people that knew Moody incredibly well, including Dumbledore, as well as becoming a world-class Auror-level wizard after not having been able to use magic since age 19, and accomplishing both in just a month, is definitely a Grawp-sized plot hole and an Umbridge-esque stretch of reason. But that's not what we're here for today. We're here to make a big deal over the small stuff, to make a Hogwarts out of a Hagrid hut:
!!!SPOILERS FOR ENTIRE BOOK SERIES BELOW!!!
1) Harry Is A Selfish Jerk And Doesn't Lend Hedwig To Fred and George
Throughout the entire book, Harry has to keep using different owls to communicate with Sirius, in order to avoid suspicion or detection. Cause, ya know, wouldn't be super awesome if he was caught talking to the Number One Most Wanted, accused serial murderer and Death Eater (even if we all know and Dumbledore knows that's totes not the truth). Harry wouldn't be dancin' like a hippogriff if that happened.
Naturally, Hedwig is not only bored and driven stir crazy by this, but more importantly, she feels pretty hurt and offended and is constantly letting Harry know by altering between aggressive biting and the passive aggressive cold shoulder (literally, it's freezing up in the owlery in winter!). Harry, being mostly a decent person, feels guilty about this and warmly compassionate for her. And unlike Malfoy, Harry takes his magical creature attacks like a man, not complaining or falling to the ground wailing in gross exaggeration like an Italian soccer player who just felt the slightest contact.
So, it's absolutely astounding that when presented with an opportunity to give Hedwig a job to do, he doesn't take it. Fred and George ask Ron if they can borrow Pigwidgeon for some secret business (gettin' their payout from Bagman, who does live up to his name by being a toolbag), but Pig is already out to Sirius. This exchange happens right in front of Harry, who has a golden chance to help three people he cares about. He could lend them Hedwig and not only would they be happy, Hedwig would be over the Lupin moon.
But he doesn't, because he's a selfish jerk...or just distracted by severe anxiety over the Triwizard Tournament, desperate to just not die or embarrass himself. Still, this was a super easy fix that was handed to him on a silver platter (that wouldn't later strangle him, even!). All he had to do was say, "Oy mates, borrow Hedwig." We've all experienced extreme stress or anxiety, and we all most likely would still have enough sense to lend out Hedwig.
So why the heck didn't you, Harry? I've never been more disappointed in you. And even if you did make up for it with Fred and George by giving them your giant sack of Triwizard gold, you never made it up to Hedwig. And after building up #HedwigHysteria for half a book, why didn't you see this obvious solution, J.K. Rowling?
2) No Way The Ministry Hosts World Cup and Triwizard Tournament In The Same Year
In a series that contains invisibility cloaks, magical teleportation, dragons, giants, unicorns that aren't lame, potions that let you turn into another person, spells that let you completely control another person, and objects that grant immortality, the thing I found most unbelievable is an inefficient bureaucratic government hosting two major tournaments in the same year, just months apart.
The Quidditch World Cup is the equivalent of our real-life World Cup. It's a huge logistical nightmare on an unbelievably grand scale that requires decades of organizing. Countries earn hosting rights over a decade in advance and spend all that time preparing for it. Thousands of people work on it and countless man-hours are spent building and planning. Even in the Muggle world, where resources and manpower are in much greater supply than the Wizarding world, no government in their right mind would even consider hosting another major sporting or entertainment event in the same year, much less within a few years.
And yet, somehow, the Ministry of Magic decides to do just that. Despite having 500 people working an entire year just to set up the site for the Quidditch World Cup, despite the top brass being up to their eyeballs in organizing and hosting responsibilities, despite the stress over not just putting on the World cup but also keeping it hidden from Muggles, and despite the fact that the Triwizard Tournament hasn't happened in over a hundred years and there's absolutely no rush to do it, they say, "Why the heck not host the Triwizard Tournament just a few months later?"
Granted, the Ministry does have a penchant for stupidity, but no government is stupid enough to voluntarily burden themselves with a massive undertaking when it's already severely overburdened and underpaid. Granted, the three schools participating help out a lot in the planning and hosting duties, but it's still a huge planning and legal nightmare for the Ministry involving dragon transportation and care, Merpeople negotiations, underwater endangerment of non-participants, and of course, a giant maze full of dangerous magical creatures.
The Ministry of Magic does a lot of stupid stuff, but even with people as dumb as Bertha Jorkins working for them, there's no Cornelius Fudgeing way they would have put on the Triwizard Tournament just months after the Quidditch World Cup. Realistically, they would have put up an "Out To Lunch" sign immediately after the final and not returned to work for months, in full on Barty Crouch and American Congress style.
No comments:
Post a Comment