Sigh...why, Hollywood? Why do you insist on making more Jurassic Park movies? Wait, that's a stupid question. Money, of course. Nevermind. Let's start over. Sigh...why, my good and dear friends, are you excited and supportive of yet another Jurassic Park movie? It's completely and utterly pointless.
Don't get me wrong; "Jurassic Park" is a great film, and it's out of love and respect for it that I piss all over sequels. The first film is a great work of science fiction that at its core is thoughtful social commentary. The moral of the film is that mankind can be hella arrogant and screw around with shit we shouldn't be screwing around with (especially for silly reasons), and the consequences can be fatal. Drop the mic, Spielberg. End of story. Wham bam, thank you, ma'am. There was nothing left to be said.
I'm not opposed to sequels in general. Sign me right the fuck up for a lifetime of Fast & Furious sequels. But vapid sequels to smart films that actually had something to say is an egregious offense. Unless you have something new to say with the sequel, just stop. The original Planet of the Apes films are a good example of sequels done right. They are obviously cash grab attempts, but each film is different and actually has something new to add to the conversation and provoke more thought (even if they do get a bit silly). Boom, great marriage of business and art.
I can understand one sequel to JP showing that mankind just doesn't learn sometimes and repeats mistakes. I get it; you get a pass for that. You do not, however, get a pass for the mind-boggling stupidity of a T-Rex running around San Diego. Seriously, WTF? But back to topic: the third film has no valid reason for existing. It's just an excuse to watch dinosaurs do dinosaur shit. You don't need the JP label for that; just make a mindless dinosaur action/chase movie and market it as such. Luring audiences in with the mark of a thoughtful film, but giving them shlock is some bullshit.
And the sad thing is, we have collectively proved that we are stupid and will pay for such crap. So Hollywood will keep on making them, and keep on pissing on the good names of great films. So I'm pleading with you all, don't give in. We all vote with our wallets. If we stop paying for this crap, they'll stop making it. Hollywood only makes so many movies; when enough of us support trashy sequels, it means less good options for us all.
I highly doubt "Jurassic World" has anything new to contribute. Hell, it looks like it's pretty much the same damn movie as the original, just with cosmetic repackaging. A bunch of innocent people are lured to the island, dangerous dinosaurs get loose thanks to mankind's idiocy, chaos ensues and shit pretty much gets fucked right up. If the moral premise is the same as the first, we've already seen that and there is no reason for this film to exist. Also, Chris Pratt looks like an amalgamation of Grant and Muldoon. I'm not the only one who thought that, right? Jesus, they couldn't even think of original characters! Everything looks like recycled material from the original. I'm all for getting Chris Pratt as many roles as possible, but put him in good films for fuck's sake. He deserves it!
At the end of the day, everyone has the right to watch what they want and like what they like. If you're excited about it, power to you. But please, just ask yourself, are you genuinely excited about it, or is your nostalgia being taken advantage of? Are you so preoccupied with whether or not you can see more Jurassic Park that you aren't stopping to think if you should?
If I'm wrong and "Jurassic World" does turn out to be a thoughtful science fiction film, I will gladly eat my humble pie (pumpkin, apple, or pecan please!). I'll totally get down on some valid and deserving JP. I just don't think that's what this is going to be. If I'm right, then "Jurassic World" should get eaten by a T-Rex while taking a shit.
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