Let People Be Happy For You

Normally, the people that care about us are happy for us when good things happen. Sometimes, however, we become that asshole that just won't shut the hell up about it, to the point where our loved ones stop feeling happy for us and instead resent us for it. At some point in our lives, we all do this at least once. Typically, it's a career success, wedding/engagement, achievement of a personal goal, or a new toy, but it can be anything that we feel is significant at the time ("at the time" is key here because the crappier our life is going, the harder we grasp at straws trying to make trivial things significant).

We won't stop talking about it or posting about it on social media. We'll use any flimsy excuse to bring it up in conversation, no matter how unrelated it is. We'll change the subject as soon as we feel it's acceptable, often oblivious that the other parties feel interrupted or cut off. We try to keep reliving the moment as much as we can, and can't help but try to get our loved ones to relive it with us. 

It's only natural. Life is incredibly hard and we're all just a bunch of bumbling idiots stumbling around in total darkness, without night-vision goggles, in search of happiness. We don't really know what we're doing or how to be happy, so we just do the best that we can and whatever we think works at that time. Therefore, when good things happen to us, we tend to hold on as tight as we can for as long as we can. If we let it go, we don't what else to be happy about, so letting go doesn't seem like an option.

If anyone ever expresses their exhaustion and resentment over it, we feel incredibly hurt. "Why aren't they happy for me? I was just trying to share!" The problem, however, is that we're not asking them to be happy for us. If they care about us, then of course they're happy for us. But what we're really asking them is to keep celebrating it. There's a world of difference, even though it often doesn't feel like it at the time.

So what's wrong with that? Every success, achievement, or joy has a shelf life of celebration. They are moments: moments don't last. They come and go. You get your time in the sun, your fifteen minutes of fame, and then it's done. It's over. You have to step aside because it's time for new moments, whether for you or others. People only have a finite amount of enthusiasm and congratulations to give for each moment, and once their tank has run out, that's it, it's empty for good. After that point, continuing to ask them to celebrate with you just makes you seem incredibly selfish and self-centered. They wonder, "Why can't they just get over themselves"? 

The confusing part is that moments all have different shelf lives. The bigger the moment, the longer the celebratory period lasts. A wedding, for instance, will get more than a minor job promotion or a new car. However, there are no explicit rules or guides to reference. We have to figure it out for every new circumstance. Moreover, to make it even more complicated, everyone has a different size of celebration tank, and the size of that tank fluctuates throughout life. If someone is happier, calmer, and more at peace, their tank will be much bigger than someone's who is struggling, depressed, or unhappy. 

Really, the only way to tell when we've reached the limit is by being extraordinarily adept at reading nonverbal cues. Considering the amount of time and practice it can—and probably will—take to get that good, it's not very reliable nor immediately practical.

Ultimately, the true path is to become more wise, peaceful, and genuinely happy so that we can ride the moments of joy and greatness when they come, but then let them go and move on when they are over, instead of desperately clinging on long past their expiration dates. However, this too is an incredibly long-term solution that we may not even succeed at. This whole problem is a result of not achieving that yet.

So what the hell do we do, here and now, in the short-term? Honestly, it's pretty simple: let people be happy for you. Once you're past the announcement and a handful of reminiscings, just stop talking about it. It's definitely going to be really hard; you're going to want so badly to talk or post about it, but resist! The people that love you and care about you will happily bring it up on their own. If they still have fuel left in their celebration tank, they will gladly take the initiative to celebrate more with you. You will get plenty of time in the sun without forcing everyone else to get massive sunburns. Everyone wins. Trust me on this. Just shut up and let people be happy for you.